Top 10 signs Michael Phelps was a stoner
The signs were all there, looking back it was obvious that Michael Phelps was not just the world’s greatest swimmer of all time but he was the greatest stoner athlete of all time. Here are the top ten signs we should have known before those pics came out of him over the weekend.
| Appetite | ||
| When someone is downing pancakes like he’s starving and goes through over 10,000 calories a day that’s not just hunger at work. That’s an olympic case of the muchies.
Symptom: |
1 | |
| Mumbling Interviews | ||
| His interviews are meandering mumbling stumbling misadventures in foggy thinking. After a two minute interview with Phelps you wonder how he found the other end of the pool.
Symptoms: |
2 | |
| Glazed look on face | ||
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This swimmer looks like he’s about to fall asleep and drown in the pool at every turn. You’d think he was in a jacuzzi after drinking a few beers not in a cold swimming pool racing at olympic speeds with a face like this. Symptoms: |
3 | |
| Not Chasing After Endorsements | ||
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Sure he was on a cereal box and has had a few commercials but for the winner of the most medals in world history he’s not cashing in like he should. Symptom: |
4 | |
| Believes he’s Aquaman | ||
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The press has covered this up but we have it on very reliable third person unnamed sources that heard it from someone who says they heard it from someone who knows Phelps that he thinks he’s Aquaman. Here is photographic evidence of his delusion. Symptom:
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5 | |
| Awkward Celebrations | ||
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A the time his over the top celebrations seemed like patriotic exuberance, but this isn’t the behavior of a normal person winning the world’s 143rd most popular sport. Symptom: |
6 | |
| 23 and Never Had a Job | ||
| Sure swimming is fun, and training takes time but there is no professional swimming league to go onto after the olympics. This guy has never had a real job and cereal endorsement cash only goes so far.
Symptom: |
7 | |
| Eyes | ||
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Many simply assumed his bloodshot buggy eyes were the result of prolonged exposure to chlorinated pool water, know we know the truth. Symptoms: |
8 | |
| Dumb Even Among Athletes | ||
| In a world of stupid athletes Michael Phelps has set himself apart as being a world class idiot.
Symptoms: |
9 | |
| Effeminate Appearance | ||
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For a guy who is being chased by and photographed with women constantly pictures like this make you wonder. Symptom: |
10 | |
